deformities
i just realized something very disturbing. i don't usually gaze at myself in the mirror, but today while doing just that, i realized that my right calf is significantly bigger than my left calf.
how did that happen? how can i fix it? liposuction? i'm deformed. a monster. no wonder i don't wear skirts or dresses. and why oh why don't have i have an extra pair of jeans in the car. why did i decide on this stupid notion of wearing dresses all the time from here on out. if i'd known i was so severely misshapen i wouldn't have worn a dress today.
i'd noticed it before, but i just thought it was the angle that i was standing and my odd bowed legs. but nope. i have a right cow and a left calf. i'm sad.
listening to "homeboy" - adorable
posted by sylvia @ 2:26 PM
6 Comments:
That's hot.
you don't gaze yourself in the mirror often?! That is some self-control, girl. I mean, if i were sylvia, i would not be able to take my eyes off of me.
Sylvia has a mystical gaze that brings grave misfortune to all those whom it is cast upon, so she tries to avoid doing it to anyone she likes. That's why she always seems to be looking at the side of your head when you're talking to her. One time, I was there when this guy asked her to look him in the eye and make a promise, and then an Mack truck fell on him.
Think of it this way, Sylvia. You're the link between current humans and the next stage in our evolution. So, while for now you are a mutant, in a few years, we'll all look like you.
Either that, or you could just get the other side of the StairMaster fixed...
if i'm the next step in the evolutionary chain, be afraid. be very afraid.
i've been hopping up and down on my right leg. but now i'm worried that it'll make my right muscle bigger which will then increase the size of the right cow.
oh what to do what to do!!!
jason's right about my gaze. i mean.. i looked at my right leg and now look at it.
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